It was late Christmas day and all around the tree,

Sat the anxious and concerned (Martin) family.

The dining room table hours before had been set,

But reliable ol' Santa had not arrived yet.

The children were all crying, their eyes rimmed with red,

They’d stayed awake through the night and not gone to bed.

There, the brightly lit tree, but not one gift in sight,

What had happened to Santa this long Christmas night?

There was no laughter, no happiness in the room,

All the adults were feeling the children’s deep gloom.

The anticipation they’d felt just 'fore the dawn,

Had now turned to worry as the day had dragged on.

Then came a loud pounding at the front of the house,

“What’s all that noise?” asked mother, “It can’t be a mouse.

Not gently rapping and tapping at our front door.

Why, who can it be? Must it go on evermore?"

Then father ran quickly and flung open the door,

There stood old Santa, who came stomping 'cross our floor,

His angry red face, 'neath his red hat trimmed in white,

Made it obvious he’d had a pretty rough night.

With a loud sigh he sat down and in a sad tone,

He told us why he'd arrived so late and alone.

“Rudolf and my reindeers...that darned S.P.C.A.

The rascals siezed them last night when I parked the Sleigh!”

Well, ol' Santa was arrested that very day,

By the shrewish Miss Quirk of the S.P.C.A.

Screaming “In one night you’ve worked him almost to death,

Good God, you old man,” and here she drew a deep breath,

“All night you’ve had him racing all over the sky,

You know there’s no oxygen when you’re up that high.

You carry those gifts for each spoiled-rotten child,

Abusing those animals, so loving and mild."

"You've had those eight darling reindeer speeding about,

Doing all the hard work while you just sing and shout!

Look at that heavy old sled piled high with those gifts,

You should have twice those eight reindeer working in shifts.

When’s the last time you gave these lovely dears a drink?

They get thirsty you know, or don’t you ever think?

And traveling the world, with no feed through the night,

Just to hand out all those gifts 'fore dawn’s early light?”

Well, by now she was completely red in the face,

“Well, ol' man, I'm going to put YOU in your place.

That’s cruelty to animals, you know that’s a fact.

Santa, you’ve just committed a criminal act!

Merry Christmas? Ha ha, Merry Christmas to you?

'Til now you've just seen it from your own point of view.

I’m telling you right now, man, you will rue the day

You tangled with Miss Quirk of the S.P.C.A.!

You’re very lucky old man that one didn’t die,

You’d be kissing forty years of your life goodbye.

With me animals come first, I want you to know,

They’re better than most people,” screamed the old crow.

“You’ll get at least twenty years,” she shouted with glee,

“Then I’ll be the happy one singing merrily.

Merry Christmas. Oh yes, Merry Christmas to all,

Santa, right now you’re about to take a big fall.”

Santa stood there sadly, just taking it all in,

She pounded her fist, shouting, “He’s guilty as sin.

Boys, take him below, put him away in a cell.

Until the day there’s a blinding snowstorm in hell.

Well, then Santa was questioned by Government men,

They put him through that same old ritual again.

"Are you fully insured against a work injury?

Show us your paid-up receipts and your policy!

Look, you’re flying about without identity lights,

You're not trained to use instruments on foggy nights.

You're required to have coverage for all girls and boys,

Because you’re handing out millions of dangerous toys.

Do you have a Sales Tax number for these gifts too,

Have you paid to the State every cent that they're due?"

And that poor little ol' man with such a big heart,

Was given extra time for just playing his part.

In time Mrs. Santa came to take the reindeer home,

She remained at the North Pole waiting, sadly alone.

As for Rudolf, coralled, he grew listless and fat,

He sired four baby reindeer, but each was a brat.)

Santa was breaking rocks, then hauling them on skids,

There was no Christmas that year for the world’s lil’ kids.

And the months went by with kids more unhappy each day,

They had no new scooters, no Nintendos to play.

Winter, spring and fall went by, still Santa’s in jail,

There was no way to free him, they’d not grant him bail.

Christmas was coming, there’d be no Santa that year,

No shouts of joy, no presents, ‘twas everyone’s fear.

Forecasts were now gloomy: business would be down,

There was not a shopper in sight in any town.

The kids met together, they wanted old Santa,

They held a big Convention down in Atlanta.

They decided to take things into their own hands

And e-Mailed the children throughout all foreign lands.

Saying, "Help us save Santa Claus and Rudolf too,

So that we can have Christmas as kids always do."

They sent a group of little kids to Washington

And petitioned the Senate to get something done.

The President sat down and wrote out a Pardon,

Then invited the kids to tea in the Rose Garden.

That night they freed Santa and all of his reindeer,

By Executive Order his name was now clear.

He returned to the North Pole to finish the toys,

That he'd soon deliver to little girls and boys.

‘Twas cold that Christmas night and quite deep was the snow,

When Santa was ready for his Annual Big Show.

With elves scurrying around to load up the sleigh,

And eight tiny reindeer anxious to be on their way.

A sled full of toys in the air quickly rose,

There was Rudolf in front…a red light on his nose.

In back sat Santa Claus ready for his long flight,

Shouting, "Merry Christmas to all, to all a Good Night!"

Now the world’s little children have nothing to fear

Santa has returned and he’ll be back every year.

When Santa’s around the future always looks bright,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!"

EPILOGUE

It's an age old tradition for that merry call,

Sing it loud, sing it clear, Merry Christmas to all.

Listen, young ones, if the ACLU has its way

There'll be no "Merry Christmas", no joy on this day.

They'll change our traditions, they're quite anxious to sue,

This nation will be Godless under the ACLU.

Remember, the First Amendment gives you the right,

The Freedom to Worship! Merry Christmas and good night.