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It was late Christmas
day and all around the tree,
Sat the anxious and concerned
(your family name here) family.
The dining room table had
already been set,
But reliable old Santa had not
arrived yet.
The children were all crying,
their eyes rimmed with red,
They’d stayed awake through the
night and not gone to bed.
There stood the brightly lit
tree, not one gift in sight,
Where was merry ol' Santa on
this Christmas night?
No one was laughing, no
happiness in the room,
All the adults were feeling the
children’s deep gloom.
The anticipation they’d felt
just 'fore the dawn,
Had now turned to worry as the
long day dragged on.
Then came a loud pounding at
the front of the house,
“What’s all that noise?” quoth
mother, “It can’t be a mouse.
Not gently rapping and tapping
at our front door.
Why who can it be? Must it go
on evermore?
Then father ran quickly and
flung open the door,
In burst an angry Santa who
stomped ‘cross our floor,
Underneath his red hat ‘twas a
face ghostly white,
It was obvious he’d had a
pretty rough night.
With a loud sigh he sat down
and in a sad tone,
He told us why he'd arrived so
late and alone.
“Rudolf has been grabbed by
that darned S.P.C.A.
The rascals stole him last
night when I parked the Sleigh.”
Well, ol' Santa was arrested
that very day,
By nasty ol’ Miss Shrew of the
S.P.C.A.
Screaming “In one night you’ve
worked him almost to death,
Good God, you old man,” and
here she drew a deep breath,
“All night you’ve had him
racing all over the sky,
You know there’s no oxygen when
you’re up that high.
You carry those gifts for each
spoiled-rotten child,
Abusing those animals, so
loving and mild.
You've had those eight tiny
reindeer speeding about,
They do all the hard work while
you just sing and shout!
Look at that heavy old sled
piled high with those gifts,
You should have twice those
eight reindeer working in shifts.
When’s the last time you gave
these lovely dears a drink?
They get thirsty you know, or
don’t you ever think?
And traveling the world, with
no feed through the night,
Just to hand out all those
gifts 'fore dawn’s early light?”
Well, by now she was completely
red in the face,
“Well, ol' man, you’re going to
be put in your place.
That’s cruelty to animals. You
know it’s a fact.
Santa, you’ve just committed a
criminal act!
Merry Christmas? Ha ha, Merry
Christmas to you?
'Til now you've just seen it
from your own point of view.
I’m telling you right now, man,
you will rue the day
You tangled with Miss Shrew of
the S.P.C.A.!
You’re very lucky old man that
one didn’t die,
You’d be kissing forty years of
your life goodbye.
With me, animals come first, I
want you to know,
They’re better than most
people,” screamed the old crow.
“You’ll get at least thirty
months,” she shouted with glee,
“Then I’ll be the happy one
singing merrily.
Merry Christmas. Oh yes, Merry
Christmas to all,
Santa, right now you’re about
to take a big fall.”
Santa stood there sadly, just
taking it all in,
She pounded her fist, shouting,
“He’s guilty as sin.
Boys, take him below, put him
away in a cell.
Until the day there’s a
blinding snowstorm in hell.
Well, then Santa was questioned
by Government men,
They put him through that same
old ritual again.
"Are you fully insured against
a work injury?
Show us your paid-up receipts
and your policy!
Look, you’re flying about
without identity lights,
You're not trained to use
instruments on foggy nights.
You're required to have
coverage for all girls and boys,
Because you’re handing out
millions of dangerous toys.
Do you have your Sales Tax
number on the gifts too,
Have you paid to the State
every cent that’s due?"
And that poor little ol' man
with such a big heart,
Was given extra time for just
playing his part.
In time Mrs. Santa came to take
the reindeer home,
And stayed at the North Pole,
sadly, waiting alone.
(As for Rudolf, coralled, he
grew listless and fat,
He sired four baby reindeer,
but each was a brat.)
Santa was breaking rocks, then
hauling them on skids,
There was no Christmas that
year for the world’s lil’ kids.
As the months went by with kids
more unhappy each day,
They had no new scooters, no
Nintendo to play.
Winter, spring and fall went
by, still Santa’s in jail,
There was no way to free him,
they’d not grant him bail.
Christmas was coming, there’d
be no Santa that year,
No shouts of joy, no presents,
‘twas everyone’s fear.
Forecasts were now gloomy:
business would be down,
There was not a shopper in
sight in any town.
The kids met together, they
wanted old Santa,
They had a big Convention down
in Atlanta.
They decided to take things
into their own hands
And e-Mailed the children
throughout all foreign lands.
Saying, "Help us save Santa
Claus and Rudolf too,
So that we can have Christmas
as kids always do."
They sent a group of little
kids to Washington
And petitioned the Senate to
get something done.
The President sat down and
wrote out a Pardon,
Then invited the kids to tea in
the Rose Garden.
That night they freed Santa and
all of his reindeer,
By Executive Order his
name was now clear.
He returned to the North Pole
to finish the toys,
That he would soon deliver to
all girls and boys.
Well, ‘twas a cold Christmas
eve far up in the snow,
When Santa got ready for his
Annual Big Show.
With elves scurrying around to
load up the sleigh,
And eight tiny reindeer anxious
to be on their way.
A sled full of toys in the air
quickly rose,
There was Rudolf in front…a red
light on his nose.
In back sat Santa Claus ready
for his long flight,
Shouting, "Merry Christmas to
all, to all a Good Night!"
Now the world’s little children
have nothing to fear
Santa has returned and he’ll be
back every year.
When Santa’s around the future
always looks bright,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to
all a Good
Night!" |